Dissapointments

Disappointments.

The first was time. The second was space. Or at least half of space.

We couldn’t go faster than light, so we didn’t technically master space. But on the way to our disappointment we made some interesting discoveries. We couldn’t go forward, back, left or right. So what do we do? We go up.

Shifting dimension is an incredibly apt metaphor seeing as that’s essentially what was done. We delved downwards into two and one dimension universes. We waved dark matter around until we got a very basic response. They’re still working on getting a reply which isn’t seemingly random to the point of meaningless. They’re also working on breaching a zero dimension universe but those departments don’t get any funding anymore. Or more accurately power, as its computers which run the entire show.

Upwards was more promising. We got basic mimicry from five through to seven, then more interesting responses. We got a number system going with positive and negative interactions in a nine dimension universe. That was big news for a while and the genius which coded the genius which figured that out both got very famous, but only the first genius made any money. Some were happy with a plateau there, but eff that.

Finally after a generation and a social trend towards transhuman biotech and videogames, the public’s eye was drawn again to a sudden bout of interesting results from a 17D universe. Yes? No? Prime numbers? Headlines for once lived up to the research. A civilisation sick of Fermi’s bloody paradox was eager for some aliens not of our design, or the design of our aliens. Translation was difficult, and we assume they overloaded their systems several times throughout the process given long stretches of time without a response. But the language progressed. Eventually we said “Hello”. Then they did too.

And it was all very enlightening until they asked if they could speak to the water.

We re-translated. Many, many times. But they were infatuated with water. They almost refused to speak to us, at one point referring to us as (And this is an extremely rough translation) “Nitrogen-heavy fat confusion makers”. Nobody around the sun took that well.

We explained that the water couldn’t exactly speak back, but they insisted. We tried hooking all manner of dihydrogen monoxide systems up to our communique, but to no avail. They asked us to leave, and let them speak to the water, citing important philosophical arguments they had to share.

Aliens from another dimension. And they were completely effing insane. Or maybe we were the insane ones, seeing as we apparently couldn’t speak to water.

Needless to say we all went back to videogames.